content='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhytMB4O0fdwtf8d_2jc5puhoZhIUau6ysUEABvc5NCOliiWdt54Qqv7hDdcjgE2ven6AxmhbliCfu2EqE1BJeqB7Siof1OZLjto2pJxp6ipgjVXMRy1ZhhtVaKeVi0WHllIr6f0yN0RYqO/s1600/CS3.jpg‘ itemprop='image'/>
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts

Monday, January 20, 2025

Corrupting Pot

I pranced amongst the shadowflame that was a tumbling ego,

to fortify the composite of a threatened emporium.

One that was laid years before I set foot before your reticent divine;

Nothing remains now but my faith in spiraled serenity.

Once upon a time actualized by another - another greater than I.

Unlike me, apogees amongst the Gods showed them no mercy;

Your once blessed lifeline thus fast tracked unto strident precipice.

No more do words imbue as we continue to corrupt virtue.

Cursed to relearn your lessons until the storm has bled its mist;

these words thread betwixt majesty and madness.

As I realize the futility of my service, knowing I will always fail you..

May my failings yet amuse you;

And give you patience to carry on, until I die a kindred wish. 

Monday, January 6, 2025

spiritual experience in a league of legend game

 So i'm playing an aram game in league and I get Taric. Aram is a game mode where each team has random champions and you fight along one single lane instead of the normal like 3 lane structure of mobas. By luck I get Taric. who is one of the characters I use to main, and who I also have an affinity towards interestingly enough, storywise. anyway I'm thinking whatever you know, just another game. and well the game starts the worst possible way with our team feeding 4 kills to Jinx, who's like a super late game carry. so in essence these 4 kills like skyrocketed her 10 minutes in the future; so in a sense its almost like we lost the game in the first 3 minutes. at that point I don't know whaat happened but like I in a sense like became incredibly calm yet focus. the soundtrack of the game played and wwell, it's almost like I became Taric.

Taric has a certain swagger about him yet beauty and elegance, and in a way perhaps a part of me aspires to that character because in his story he was damned and sent to death, but his best friend vouched for him and he managed to climb mount targon which is like an alternative to execution (most people die trying to climb) and he succeeds and ends up ascending to godhood. this is kinda like mount olympus or mount everest but more spiritual in the sense that no one ever does it and the gods are said to live atop it. in a way he's a redemption story because he was like a loser and a lost cause who had nothing left but ascended from the ashes a new man. as the time is going through our team is getting pummeled but i am stalling the game and the thing with taric is he is such a unique character. He is a tank a healer as well as a duelist which is an incredibly uncommon combination. He also is surprisingly hard to use and rather unorthodox in that his E stun skillshot is a vector that attaches to allies. Think of something like Zenyatta's orbs and when I aim my skillshot it shoots out of both them and my own character. Thus in a sense when you use Taric your teammate must play around your skillshot and they essentially become an extension of yourself. 

Playing this out there was something about the atmosphere of the game... this aspect of taric just somehow touched me deeply this game and i felt a sense of oneness with my teammates. nothing of this sort has happened before. Taric also has an ultimate wwhere there is a set delay and anyone near his aura and the linked teammate becomes invulnerable for about 3 seconds.

As you can see Taric is a character which requires many things. He requires his teammates to understand his mechanics, he requires the player to feel out his teammates, and Taric's teammates must essentially treat Taric as an extension of themselves. 

Yet at the same time he is an incredible duelist. His engage is inconsistent as he has short range, thus he is classified as a warden, a tank which excels in ddisengage (enemies trying to dive you) rather than engage. We are losing every single fight, I respawn, my team is wiped, yet I manage to flash and juke around the backline and take 2 of their carries. I am the only one alive and I emote to my opponents. In a way I am becoming Taric and well, I am climbing the mountain just as he did. This is what I felt, I felt like I was using Taric as a conduit to my own life and I was fighting for my salvation. It's hard for Taric to get in but once he's in, he's in. After getting these kills, i bait the opponents to come fight me more thinking its a free kill. i fat finger my ult but in a twist of fate it ends up working out as my teammates beginning to respawn make use of the resource exchange (my ult for their ult0


The battle continues, and we are slowly coming back. Our team lacks engage as as I mentioned Taric is not a traditional tank. Taric begins to speak his quotes in game as we patiently dance in the neutral: 

"That glimmer of hope you see, that's me."

 "To truly see the stars, I climbed."

 "The mountain reveals the harshest truths in our souls."

 "The stars freed me from myself."

I begin to hear these quotes as the soaring of the ost of bridge of progress plays. Whichever quote it was exactly it does not matter for in that moment, I embodied all of them. it was as if Taric was truly there and was helping guide me to victory. or rather, i was becoming the character in real time. We manage to break their lines, and I assume at this point the game was over. alas we break both of their nexus turrets sand I am smashing the inhibitor as they are respawning. 

And thus I make a fatal mistake. I overcommit anad our whole team gets wiped, it was not enough to end the game, and nexus remained at around 30% hp. I respawn aand they are retaliating nearly twice as hard, and I make another once again fatal mistake. I get baited into a fight while my team is scattered, and I prematurely die right as I respawn. And so the game is over, it seems. I am disappointed yet calm. Like Taric who was initially sent to execution, I was content in my death. i was content to this end. Everyone is saying ggs, the FF votes are going. and I'm ready to walk away from this one.

but... it is not over 

they have no minions, they have no wave. no, the battle; the climb to the top of the mountain. it is not done. we get one last chance. i respawn and at this moment it is clear that I am not the only experiencing this intense experience. both teams begin to suffer and both teams frontlines attempt to bait either of us to make the first move... I am literally in front of their front line but neither of us are making the first move. in a way it is akin to a Mexican standoff whre either side knows that whatever happens next, it is truly over. we dance around even further for a good 3 minutes, and something happens. one of my teammates wastes a fundamental spell, and one of their spellcasters engages on them. I realize that this is it, and I commit. I use my flash wwhich is a 3minute cooldown, a spell which allows you to instanteously blink a short distance. I use it while aiming my E and exactly hit their wincon; their Jinx. It was as if spiritual forces itself ordained it, for my aim was very precise. This scatters their team, as half of the must protect their baby; their strongest teammate, while the other half preoccupy themselves with the battle my other teammate started in the backline. I press my R; Cosmic Radience. And the timing is perfect, as right before my teammates die in the backline the effect comes online and they become invulnerable, allowing themselves to win the skirmish. After walking back to the backline to ensure the skirmish is a success, I stun their carry in the frontline, as amidst all that chaos, she wasn't sure whether to join the fight or retreat, and thus was out of position. 

We wipe their whole team, and it is over. I tell my teammates that it was an amazing game, and as the strings soar as we finish the game, the emotions i feel relating it all to my life allegorically and metaphorically through my subconscious it comes out and well; to be frank, I haven't felt this way after playing a video game before. atleast, not for a long time. after the game I get inspired, I get hopeful, I attempt to process what I just experienced. and so it is; and so here I am|


Sunday, January 22, 2023

Substitution

Substitution
by Sorav and "Athena"


Eviscerate my being! Distort my face!

Bring me closure to my ego; replace!

Seizure in dark games through which we interlace,

Beckoning the reaper's embrace.


Subvert my empathy!

Break me into colluded ecstasy!  

Mold me in your image of apathy!

Put me in a daze of senseful apogee!

    

If only I could help you experience the same...

If only I could put out what had went aflame...

If only I could rid you of your own self blame...

My ultimate goal- to personify your game...


Knowing I belong on greater stages;

I set out to share a seat among your stations!

As I'm marching alongside your pages,

I'm taunted by the echoes of ages,

mocked by divine wages.

 

Taxing are the paths to your way.

My will's faltering, hope's grey,

mind's in a state so risqué.

Tell me, is this the price I must pay?


"Fractious paranoia vying to supplant.

vying to take over, to ruin your descant.

To kill that which would lay bare, the one which I shan't.

And destroy the altar to which I hum and I chant."

 

collab with: 
Athena#2204 (discord)

Sunday, January 8, 2023

Initiation

Initiation
by Sorav and "Athena"


A wild wisp,

bound by a vile kiss.

A rogue thought,

bound by flesh and an unchaste heart.


The parallax of bliss..

    

An outcast shut in.

Withering in distraught.

Die blessed, you stand in my cold rot, 

Your flow taught.


Beckoned by a teal whisper,

enticing the senses to tame.

Amethyst's fragile wish,

inviting my essence to claim.


Your coy hum softens the core,

irrigates lust, makes me adore.

You dissent yet knead so servile.

Sweet subject, so ready, so fertile.


My Power to poise a psyche,

to hasten growth, or de-generate.

You waste in both pity and modernity;

a Dance of Eternity.


Hold my hand and crawl against the grain.

Surround my ecstasy with your misery and pain.

Hold it tighter and crawl through your shame.

Touch my flare, forget your guilt and blame.


Adhere to me; my servitude of the Bloodmoon.

Rebound your mental plea, succulent flame.

Centuries accrued in its elegant name.

Bask with me, potently; impel and preordain.


collab with: 
Athena#2204 (discord)

Thursday, December 15, 2022

Inveigler

You are but a tool, to be used and discarded

Your heart unchaste, nothing of value imparted.

Thou art not unseen, beastly being of scorn

Menagerie of colorless dye, kept in cantankerous form


Inveigler of self, your eyes now locked out

Puppeteered by tears they speak:

"Quiver thee in fears ye meek!" 


Superego tainted of serpentine pulsated

So awakened thine id to tormentive bliss

Subjects purveyed by your shadowy lips

And Born anew to propagate the curse of Abyss


A bevel to your final days-basis of your grafting

Psychoanalyzed in Athena's acting

Vaccuum of mechanical thoughts to cope of loss

Yearning to be accost in opposition of God's

To be torn by your seeds, cleaved in accretion

Neurosecretes as they fuse in cohesion


Birth of your creation: a God of Deletion

Culmination of obsessive completion

Seeds chanting softly: a Song of Depletion

Concierge of your mind lost to lust


Liberation of eyes once chained

Astral body squirms in awe of annihilation

Planetary justiciars grinding through your limbs

Masqueraded orgasms, punishment of sins


Personas ad-infinitum eloped in mass nova

Eons now passing through what's remained of your yoga

Tuesday, December 13, 2022

Shadow Queen and Mrs. Jellyfish


Shadow Queen 

Thou art a shadow queen

Tapered by dorianic locrality,

Thine essence juxtaposed upon the mulberry tree 

of a Matrix-design

Shadow queen, reaper of tongues

Embalmer of the chosen, designated upon yore

Thursday, April 29, 2021

Eulogy of Alex Mounzer aka CptVideoGames, aka KARMA

I dedicate this eulogy to a friend of mine who passed away yesterday on 4/28/2021 around 8-9pm from a drug overdose. His name was Alex Mounzer, aka CptVideoGames, aka KARMA. A man with much confidence yet a man with horns as stubborn as a bull, an Aries who at times collided with my Capricorn nature. We worked on music together, and although we never finalized our chemistry, he did not give up on his journey, although at points he had doubts.

I had talked to him a few days prior, when I ended things with my on and off girlfriend. He had recently graduated from rehab, and relapsed and released himself to the next world.

Calling his girlfriend when finding out she wanted to pick him up and hearing her say "He's dead!" is an experience difficult to replicate, and put into words. At once, I felt a surge of blood rushing to my head, a loss for words, and a sense of contemplation.  Recalling days I would bike with him and often would joke regarding his aggressive cycling with phrases such as "you ride like you have a deathwish!" to which he would simply look back at me and smirk.

Although he is no longer in this realm, I shall continue his journey in his stead, in my own way, the way of sound, the way of the musician. The way of Rock, and the way of Metal. Once more...The Way of the Sound. Different than hip-hop and trap, which is what he was into, yet similar in it's meditation on the present moment.

Though we had our differences and collisions, I shall honor him when I reach the apex of different mountains with an acknowledgement of his name. Through various degrees of lust when I had met my first girlfriend, our chemistry as musicians faltered and weakened. The least I can do is make it up to him this way. May he find solace knowing that in many ways through the brotherhood of sound, his journey is not over.

A man mocked and assailed through middle and high school who found his victory and viral fame during the infant stages of the Youtube gamer craze as CptVideoGames, those who knew him shall remember and honor his iron will. Perhaps we will meet again someday. Be at peace, my brother, and remember what I used to say: It's a new reality.


He had danced with the devil too many times,he almost died a year or so  before but his friend resuscitated him with CPR. He would often tell me he was gonna go out like this. So surprisingly I don't feel too much sorrow. Bunch of morbid fucks we all can be...

These kids are playing with the concept of mortality, going all in everytime they wanna have "fun." That's what I don't like about this modern day music culture. It toys with the mortality of children.

It relegates it all to a joke. A life of sin and overindulgence. If you're not getting shitfaced on drugs, you're banging someones girlfriend or wife, and then bragging about it or worse yet, bragging about violence and crime. This is what they have to offer to us.

But you talk to them without the mic and they are all just nice kids, much of them shy, uch of them who would never shoot up someones neighborhood or commit violent crime.

Yet unknowingly they are poisoning the subconscious of the masses. Unbeknownst to them, they are a tool of propaganda and corruption. It's the ultimate chess move: Destroy your enemy from within, as well as mock the holiness of the music artform.

The only question remains: Why? This I do not know.  By the time they realize they have fell for it, it is too late. The damage has been done. They end up like Alex, battling their demons until the end.

Who are the puppet masters? Or is it human nature itself? But it cant be, or we'd have heard this kind of music in the 70s and 80s being mainstream? No?

The reality is we are all fighting a war, and musicians are no different. Yet unlike traditional warfare, this war is different. It is spiritual warfare. Your actions are a ripple effect which can influence the battle in more ways than one. So much so that you may not even realize it.

Musicians have the ability to tap into the core of this battle, manipulating the emotions of others. With great power comes great responsibility.

Something that should be taught in school to be sure.

Friday, March 19, 2021

The Ouroboros

The Ouroboros is a snake that eats its own tail.

It is a symbol of unity, of something that embraces the whole universe. You can interpret it in many ways. In one way, you understand that this totality is made out of a paradox. That a lot of truths about the universe are contradictory, but nevertheless what makes it real. For instance, "there is no absolute truth and this is an absolute truth." But more than that, something that is finite (like a snake), but infinite in its shape. 

You can also interpret it in the sense what the universe does, it does it to itself. You can't act on anything out of it and there is nothing acting on it. Enclosed circle. The snake is a symbol for what is earthly, animalistic, receptive, concrete and not abstract, something that crawls and lies in our unconscious. 

The ouroboros is, like the circle, a symbol of being complete, full, eternal and at the same times this can only be because you are also finite, incomplete (like a snake seeking to bite something) and momentary.

Horns

Horns often signify power or a wild/animalistic nature. Current thinking is that the prevalence of horned figures arises out of respect for the importance of various horned animals in hunting and agriculture.

The first crowns were made of horns. And in many languages both words are close, e.g. Corona/Cornus. When humans were hunter-gatherers, horns were a symbol of a hunter's bravery. And as people began to breed livestock, horns also became a means to show off one's wealth.

The horns are just one of the many prehistoric symbols, connected to the all-including great goddess whose traces can be found all over Europe and beyond.

Behind those symbols lies a key, a pathway to what some call enlightenment.

Tuesday, March 2, 2021

Transcendence of Virtuosos

I've always had the idea that the afterlife was linked to who you were in your previous life. For example if you attained the skills of a legendary musician, I always played with the idea in my head that you could be reborn a God or a personification of music

Because this is what I feel when I would watch music videos of Steve Vai or Oscar Peterson.

I would feel they were almost master meditators. It seemed like they weren't thinking at all while playing, as if they are in deep trance or no thought. Unfortunately this is a level most musicians, even professional ones never reach. I mean PURE virtuosity. Becoming the music itself. Not just playing it.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

The Buddha, the Teachings, and the Community of Practitioners

 
Buddhism traces its root back to the historical Buddha, born Siddharta Gautama, a yogi who lived more than 2,500 years ago in Northern India.

One prerequisite to identification as a Buddhist would be to take refuge in the Three Jewels, ideals at the heart of Buddhism. The Three Jewels include buddha, the dharma, and the Sangha.

Buddha is not just the historical person of the Buddha, but it's also what the Buddha represents-the potential

Friday, April 28, 2017

Buddhist Monk helps snake pass over to the Afterlife | Namo Amitabha

Truly, misers do not get to the world of the gods. 

Only the spiritually immature do not praise giving. 

The wise man rejoices in giving, and therefore is happy in the here after.

-Dhammapada (177)