It's cold yet warm
When your whisk mounts through my being
The mirror jitters
As I give myself to this kneading
I live for your kiss
Knowing it may yet never come
The napkins darken, in fear of a second son
Mind washed betwixt interim transit
Silence brooding, this messianic gambit
Lushed by your immutable brush,
These prayers now bleat candid
And then I smile, knowing my wish has been granted
And then I rise, knowing my pride has been fastened
haha i got hope I thought as I lose all style
reminiscent of john coltrane after he ran off the isleInto nothingness the heart was formed
thoughts waves of miraculous nonsenseI pranced amongst the shadowflame that was a tumbling ego,
to fortify the composite of a threatened emporium.
One that was laid years before I set foot before your reticent divine;
Nothing remains now but my faith in spiraled serenity.
Once upon a time actualized by another - another greater than I.
Unlike me, apogees amongst the Gods showed them no mercy;
Your once blessed lifeline thus fast tracked unto strident precipice.
No more do words imbue as we continue to corrupt virtue.
Cursed to relearn your lessons until the storm has bled its mist;
these words thread betwixt majesty and madness.
As I realize the futility of my service, knowing I will always fail you..
May my failings yet amuse you;
And give you patience to carry on, until I die a kindred wish.
So i'm playing an aram game in league and I get Taric. Aram is a game mode where each team has random champions and you fight along one single lane instead of the normal like 3 lane structure of mobas. By luck I get Taric. who is one of the characters I use to main, and who I also have an affinity towards interestingly enough, storywise. anyway I'm thinking whatever you know, just another game. and well the game starts the worst possible way with our team feeding 4 kills to Jinx, who's like a super late game carry. so in essence these 4 kills like skyrocketed her 10 minutes in the future; so in a sense its almost like we lost the game in the first 3 minutes. at that point I don't know whaat happened but like I in a sense like became incredibly calm yet focus. the soundtrack of the game played and wwell, it's almost like I became Taric.
Taric has a certain swagger about him yet beauty and elegance, and in a way perhaps a part of me aspires to that character because in his story he was damned and sent to death, but his best friend vouched for him and he managed to climb mount targon which is like an alternative to execution (most people die trying to climb) and he succeeds and ends up ascending to godhood. this is kinda like mount olympus or mount everest but more spiritual in the sense that no one ever does it and the gods are said to live atop it. in a way he's a redemption story because he was like a loser and a lost cause who had nothing left but ascended from the ashes a new man. as the time is going through our team is getting pummeled but i am stalling the game and the thing with taric is he is such a unique character. He is a tank a healer as well as a duelist which is an incredibly uncommon combination. He also is surprisingly hard to use and rather unorthodox in that his E stun skillshot is a vector that attaches to allies. Think of something like Zenyatta's orbs and when I aim my skillshot it shoots out of both them and my own character. Thus in a sense when you use Taric your teammate must play around your skillshot and they essentially become an extension of yourself.
Playing this out there was something about the atmosphere of the game... this aspect of taric just somehow touched me deeply this game and i felt a sense of oneness with my teammates. nothing of this sort has happened before. Taric also has an ultimate wwhere there is a set delay and anyone near his aura and the linked teammate becomes invulnerable for about 3 seconds.
As you can see Taric is a character which requires many things. He requires his teammates to understand his mechanics, he requires the player to feel out his teammates, and Taric's teammates must essentially treat Taric as an extension of themselves.
Yet at the same time he is an incredible duelist. His engage is inconsistent as he has short range, thus he is classified as a warden, a tank which excels in ddisengage (enemies trying to dive you) rather than engage. We are losing every single fight, I respawn, my team is wiped, yet I manage to flash and juke around the backline and take 2 of their carries. I am the only one alive and I emote to my opponents. In a way I am becoming Taric and well, I am climbing the mountain just as he did. This is what I felt, I felt like I was using Taric as a conduit to my own life and I was fighting for my salvation. It's hard for Taric to get in but once he's in, he's in. After getting these kills, i bait the opponents to come fight me more thinking its a free kill. i fat finger my ult but in a twist of fate it ends up working out as my teammates beginning to respawn make use of the resource exchange (my ult for their ult0
The battle continues, and we are slowly coming back. Our team lacks engage as as I mentioned Taric is not a traditional tank. Taric begins to speak his quotes in game as we patiently dance in the neutral:
"That glimmer of hope you see, that's me."
"To truly see the stars, I climbed."
"The mountain reveals the harshest truths in our souls."
"The stars freed me from myself."
I begin to hear these quotes as the soaring of the ost of bridge of progress plays. Whichever quote it was exactly it does not matter for in that moment, I embodied all of them. it was as if Taric was truly there and was helping guide me to victory. or rather, i was becoming the character in real time. We manage to break their lines, and I assume at this point the game was over. alas we break both of their nexus turrets sand I am smashing the inhibitor as they are respawning.
And thus I make a fatal mistake. I overcommit anad our whole team gets wiped, it was not enough to end the game, and nexus remained at around 30% hp. I respawn aand they are retaliating nearly twice as hard, and I make another once again fatal mistake. I get baited into a fight while my team is scattered, and I prematurely die right as I respawn. And so the game is over, it seems. I am disappointed yet calm. Like Taric who was initially sent to execution, I was content in my death. i was content to this end. Everyone is saying ggs, the FF votes are going. and I'm ready to walk away from this one.
but... it is not over
they have no minions, they have no wave. no, the battle; the climb to the top of the mountain. it is not done. we get one last chance. i respawn and at this moment it is clear that I am not the only experiencing this intense experience. both teams begin to suffer and both teams frontlines attempt to bait either of us to make the first move... I am literally in front of their front line but neither of us are making the first move. in a way it is akin to a Mexican standoff whre either side knows that whatever happens next, it is truly over. we dance around even further for a good 3 minutes, and something happens. one of my teammates wastes a fundamental spell, and one of their spellcasters engages on them. I realize that this is it, and I commit. I use my flash wwhich is a 3minute cooldown, a spell which allows you to instanteously blink a short distance. I use it while aiming my E and exactly hit their wincon; their Jinx. It was as if spiritual forces itself ordained it, for my aim was very precise. This scatters their team, as half of the must protect their baby; their strongest teammate, while the other half preoccupy themselves with the battle my other teammate started in the backline. I press my R; Cosmic Radience. And the timing is perfect, as right before my teammates die in the backline the effect comes online and they become invulnerable, allowing themselves to win the skirmish. After walking back to the backline to ensure the skirmish is a success, I stun their carry in the frontline, as amidst all that chaos, she wasn't sure whether to join the fight or retreat, and thus was out of position.
We wipe their whole team, and it is over. I tell my teammates that it was an amazing game, and as the strings soar as we finish the game, the emotions i feel relating it all to my life allegorically and metaphorically through my subconscious it comes out and well; to be frank, I haven't felt this way after playing a video game before. atleast, not for a long time. after the game I get inspired, I get hopeful, I attempt to process what I just experienced. and so it is; and so here I am|
Why do you think people say "holy shit" when they're surprised? Because in ancient days the pineal gland enhanced every shit you took and allowed extra genetic material to be deposited in the earthworms. That's why every living being has 99% similar genetics. Most people their shit isn't holy anymore because their pineal gland is blocked but since I opened my third eye (hence my avatar) my shit has reconnected with my ancestral abilities. So I'm trying to make sure I do the world right by giving back my genius (I shit in a box in public parks and then put it in the recycling bin so drinking water plastics can be enhanced.) Scholars state that holy shit increases genetic material by up to 30% but you won't see this shit on CNN or any other major news outlet, the powers that be don't want the sheep waking up
I envy your deathly orchestrations,
dancing among the binary of unreality.
Consciously sterilized, gently ferocious,
mirroring the monotony of eternity.
To scrutinize an unjust presence,
it commandeers my vanity.
Reflections of divorced destinies made manifest
sear me into the abacus, molding my afterimage.
Nurturing seeds of regrets, awakening contrition,
edges at my transition and imposes this change.
Bittersweet, this movement shall
breed a new elite.
Roaring sparks vivify, and
soldered flames are weaponized;
An endless screech of its sonder plea.
As mewling eyes vie,
neural dichotomies are ritualized,
and I can only see what's no longer me.
Ventricles scurry in
fettered snow, a harbinger's kiss;
a phantom sin gnawing at the fabric of time.
Everything is forever now, welded
unto mirrored lacerations, heralding
the end of an aeon.
collab with Cyvora
dude imagine having a femcel girlfriend. at first, you don't get along with her, but you try anyways for a bet. eventually you get strangely comfortable with her rants. everytime you cuddle she whispers how you are trash and worthless, and she would be better off without you. she gaslights you until you forget your own name. you are reduced to a mat for her to step on as she pleases. you dont even enjoy cbt or the degrading stuff she does, but you are intrigued either way. she calls you abusive and accuses you of everything under the sun. you insist that the reason you are even still with her is because you just pity her, but in reality, you know the months of grooming and propaganda has corrupted you, changed you as a person, to agree with her extreme views and just want to be treated like a pig. you like the feeling of being choked to near asphyxiation, being under her, licking the dirt off the stinky unwashed femcel toes and being crushed under her weight. you like how there's no peace, she beats you up when you're sleeping, when you're working, or are in a dangerous situation with not one thought about your safety or health. in from of your own friends and family she degrades you, until all of them cut contact with the both of you. in front of her friends she gets even worse than at home, since she has a reputation to hold up. you know you can't beg since that will just make her stronger, but the thought of that doesn't seem too bad for you at this point.
not that i have experience, of course. don't even get me started on schizophrenic girls.
credit to grimly (pwnerofwrlds on discord)
You are but a tool, to be used and discarded
Your heart unchaste, nothing of value imparted.
Thou art not unseen, beastly being of scorn
Menagerie of colorless dye, kept in cantankerous form
Inveigler of self, your eyes now locked out
Puppeteered by tears they speak:
"Quiver thee in fears ye meek!"
Superego tainted of serpentine pulsated
So awakened thine id to tormentive bliss
Subjects purveyed by your shadowy lips
And Born anew to propagate the curse of Abyss
A bevel to your final days-basis of your grafting
Psychoanalyzed in Athena's acting
Vaccuum of mechanical thoughts to cope of loss
Yearning to be accost in opposition of God's
To be torn by your seeds, cleaved in accretion
Neurosecretes as they fuse in cohesion
Birth of your creation: a God of Deletion
Culmination of obsessive completion
Seeds chanting softly: a Song of Depletion
Concierge of your mind lost to lust
Liberation of eyes once chained
Astral body squirms in awe of annihilation
Planetary justiciars grinding through your limbs
Masqueraded orgasms, punishment of sins
Personas ad-infinitum eloped in mass nova
Eons now passing through what's remained of your yoga
I dedicate this eulogy to a friend of mine who passed away yesterday on 4/28/2021 around 8-9pm from a drug overdose. His name was Alex Mounzer, aka CptVideoGames, aka KARMA. A man with much confidence yet a man with horns as stubborn as a bull, an Aries who at times collided with my Capricorn nature. We worked on music together, and although we never finalized our chemistry, he did not give up on his journey, although at points he had doubts.
I had talked to him a few days prior, when I ended things with my on and off girlfriend. He had recently graduated from rehab, and relapsed and released himself to the next world.
Calling his girlfriend when finding out she wanted to pick him up and hearing her say "He's dead!" is an experience difficult to replicate, and put into words. At once, I felt a surge of blood rushing to my head, a loss for words, and a sense of contemplation. Recalling days I would bike with him and often would joke regarding his aggressive cycling with phrases such as "you ride like you have a deathwish!" to which he would simply look back at me and smirk.
Although he is no longer in this realm, I shall continue his journey in his stead, in my own way, the way of sound, the way of the musician. The way of Rock, and the way of Metal. Once more...The Way of the Sound. Different than hip-hop and trap, which is what he was into, yet similar in it's meditation on the present moment.
Though we had our differences and collisions, I shall honor him when I reach the apex of different mountains with an acknowledgement of his name. Through various degrees of lust when I had met my first girlfriend, our chemistry as musicians faltered and weakened. The least I can do is make it up to him this way. May he find solace knowing that in many ways through the brotherhood of sound, his journey is not over.
A man mocked and assailed through middle and high school who found his victory and viral fame during the infant stages of the Youtube gamer craze as CptVideoGames, those who knew him shall remember and honor his iron will. Perhaps we will meet again someday. Be at peace, my brother, and remember what I used to say: It's a new reality.
These kids are playing with the concept of mortality, going all in everytime they wanna have "fun." That's what I don't like about this modern day music culture. It toys with the mortality of children.
It relegates it all to a joke. A life of sin and overindulgence. If you're not getting shitfaced on drugs, you're banging someones girlfriend or wife, and then bragging about it or worse yet, bragging about violence and crime. This is what they have to offer to us.
But you talk to them without the mic and they are all just nice kids, much of them shy, uch of them who would never shoot up someones neighborhood or commit violent crime.
Yet unknowingly they are poisoning the subconscious of the masses. Unbeknownst to them, they are a tool of propaganda and corruption. It's the ultimate chess move: Destroy your enemy from within, as well as mock the holiness of the music artform.
The only question remains: Why? This I do not know. By the time they realize they have fell for it, it is too late. The damage has been done. They end up like Alex, battling their demons until the end.
Who are the puppet masters? Or is it human nature itself? But it cant be, or we'd have heard this kind of music in the 70s and 80s being mainstream? No?
The reality is we are all fighting a war, and musicians are no different. Yet unlike traditional warfare, this war is different. It is spiritual warfare. Your actions are a ripple effect which can influence the battle in more ways than one. So much so that you may not even realize it.
Musicians have the ability to tap into the core of this battle, manipulating the emotions of others. With great power comes great responsibility.
Something that should be taught in school to be sure.
The Ouroboros is a snake that eats its own tail.
You can also interpret it in the sense what the universe does, it does it to itself. You can't act on anything out of it and there is nothing acting on it. Enclosed circle. The snake is a symbol for what is earthly, animalistic, receptive, concrete and not abstract, something that crawls and lies in our unconscious.
The ouroboros is, like the circle, a symbol of being complete, full, eternal and at the same times this can only be because you are also finite, incomplete (like a snake seeking to bite something) and momentary.
I've always had the idea that the afterlife was linked to who you were in your previous life. For example if you attained the skills of a legendary musician, I always played with the idea in my head that you could be reborn a God or a personification of music
Because this is what I feel when I would watch music videos of Steve Vai or Oscar Peterson.
I would feel they were almost master meditators. It seemed like they weren't thinking at all while playing, as if they are in deep trance or no thought. Unfortunately this is a level most musicians, even professional ones never reach. I mean PURE virtuosity. Becoming the music itself. Not just playing it.
Chick Corea has passed on and if he chooses will join the Gods as well as Apollo and her muses. If he so chooses anyway, since he was a scientologist I believe. It's up to him at the end of the day. Romantic Warrior live at the Whistle Test completely changed my life, I used to watch it every day in my college rec room.
May he live on as an Angel of Sound. It's the Sound... The Ultra Zone. Perhaps that is what all musicians want to reach in their life, staying in The Ultra Zone forever...It's so profound, damn...
