empty jar

I feel so empty 

yet so whole

where have you gone?

afraid to terraform..

this soul.

I wonder,

madam sunder..

and when the lambent flickers

I can't help but feel regret 

because time has shown

ill be reset

over and over

as an

inert apparition for 

thy muse.

[p̷h̵a̷n̸t̶o̶m̷ yearnings;

fealt̶i̴e̴s̵ ̶ of the damned]

ask you naught,

how this mind can impart

for no one is bound alone 

ask you naught, 

how this mind can want

in emaciation of thy throne

what remains forsworn?

my tender paid in light

what throne was ever owed?

when freedom was my surly night

that my senses may be cloyed

every word, an

heir to regret.

thorny needles,

brought to my bed.

set a clock,

to embrace your flame.

a mired firmament,

I cannot feign.

my new order betwixt 

mislaid dreams.

downshifted upon

hell's third circle

I weep in damnation,

pleading for reprieve.

undeserving I bow,

embracing your relief.

your fervent thrall,

praying to thine void.

I ask for thy bidding,

that my senses may be cloyed.

just can't touch your lyrical cynical matrimony

 i'm not feeling as tumultuous today

the thoughts are no longer grey

still it'd be cool to see what's new

to light a cig and share a cup of brew (lol)

maybe witness some art,

or some movie where you juxtapose a savage heart

i dunno; but then again I usually never do

you already knew that so that's no debut

that felt really good though

telling me to shut the flow

it was some practical mace to nourish my face

the words werent too fancy but it felt like your grace

may as well been...honestly,

another reminder that I ain't as smart as thee:

was gonna have the title line here (see above), just to pad this into fours.

also since you left me in the void it's just been winter chores,

but still I wanna impress you, so I guess some trends remain

I know you don't believe in friendship, but can we be friends again?

see? I can still be fancy...meowzers!

won't blame you if I lost your trust, though, my vow spurs...

you've seen it before, but I'm trying to make a difference

since you've left me to sow, I seam through fake existence

so I guess i'm not as afraid to take risks now, per chance

^I saw that funyun on reddit while in a trance

yeah I hate reddit but offending them is funny

i usually just make weird posts about cabbages and sultry

yeah I know that's not a noun but I'm just reminding you that I'm a dummy

I even had to look it up to make this scheme funky...

(was aabb but now its just funky)

damn I already said that, broke the rules thrice more - now four

or is it five? anyway

i reminded you that i'm a dummy so i can still say "sorry mama"

yeah i'm retarded but thats how I cope with this persona

btw random thought but that one story where you told me about

how youd lie down and your brain would jump from west, east, north, to south

that was pretty Hauntingly Beautiful - not gonna lie.

umm. anyway bye

Inveigler

You are but a tool, to be used and discarded

Your heart unchaste, nothing of value imparted.

Thou art not unseen, beastly being of scorn

Menagerie of colorless dye, kept in cantankerous form

Inveigler of self, your eyes now locked out

Puppeteered by tears they speak:

"Quiver thee in fears ye meek!" 

Superego tainted of serpentine pulsated

So awakened thine id to tormentive bliss

Subjects purveyed by your shadowy lips

And Born anew to propagate the curse of Abyss

A bevel to your final days-basis of your grafting

Psychoanalyzed in Athena's acting

Vaccuum of mechanical thoughts to cope of loss

Yearning to be accost in opposition of God's

To be torn by your seeds, cleaved in accretion

Neurosecretes as they fuse in cohesion

Birth of your creation: a God of Deletion

Culmination of obsessive completion

Seeds chanting softly: a Song of Depletion

Concierge of your mind lost to lust

Liberation of eyes once chained

Astral body squirms in awe of annihilation

Planetary justiciars grinding through your limbs

Masqueraded orgasms, punishment of sins

Personas ad-infinitum eloped in mass nova

Eons now passing through what's remained of your yoga

Transcendence of Virtuosos

I've always had the idea that the afterlife was linked to who you were in your previous life. For example if you attained the skills of a legendary musician, I always played with the idea in my head that you could be reborn a God or a personification of music

Because this is what I feel when I would watch music videos of Steve Vai or Oscar Peterson.

I would feel they were almost master meditators. It seemed like they weren't thinking at all while playing, as if they are in deep trance or no thought. Unfortunately this is a level most musicians, even professional ones never reach. I mean PURE virtuosity. Becoming the music itself. Not just playing it.

Chick Corea and The Ultra Zone

Chick Corea has passed on and if he chooses will join the Gods as well as Apollo and her muses. If he so chooses anyway, since he was a scientologist I believe. It's up to him at the end of the day. Romantic Warrior live at the Whistle Test completely changed my life, I used to watch it every day in my college rec room.

May he live on as an Angel of Sound. It's the Sound... The Ultra Zone. Perhaps that is what all musicians want to reach in their life, staying in The Ultra Zone forever...It's so profound, damn... 

Maybe the ones who get it reincarnate as Sound. Rahsaan Roland Kirk said once he wanted to reincarnated as sound, because he would be truly free . "You can't capture a note."

The Seven Ways

The Seven Ways, by Majin Boo Sama

The 'Seven Ways' represent different pathways towards the throne of chaos. They symbolize the seven 'directions' of space and are ruled by a respective lord/energy.

Ascending to the throne of chaos is known by many names across the world, it is at the heart of every mythos, religion, magic order, spiritual system, and anything in-between.

Some of these names include enlightenment, nirvana, gnosis, and anything else you can fit in there. 

Goats and Rebellion

The goat. In the public's image of the Satanism, the goat head of Baphomet has been seen almost as the poster child for it's philosophies and principles. That being of bending reality to gain indulgence of physical pleasures. Loving the body, loving sensations. They have always had a history of being compared to evil and rebellion. 

For farmers, sheep were always much easier to work with while goats would always fight back against the farmers orders. Since the character of Satan has always been that of rebellion it would thus make sense to symbolically link his philosophies with that of the goat.

In the bible metaphorical comparisons are also made with believers and sinners being compared to sheep and goat, respectively. This is mentioned in Matthew 25:31-33: “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

Arising of Anger

I can feel the anger arise. Death, violence, killing, pain, suffering upon another... all aspects of my
consciousness which I have once ignored. Thus I realize this. Thus I realize...

I push the weight on the bench, thus pushing my weakness. 

I pull the bar over my lats, thus pulling off my uncertainties.

I stomp upon the treadmill with incredible vigor, visualizing the stomping of past regrets and blossoming a new light filled with strength, and confidence.

I raise my arm in victory, visualizing my future reality.

I sit down thus afterwards, weary from my journey.

My anger continues to boil.

I touch the anger.

It hurts.

I touch it again.

I no longer feel it.

The water has become lukewarm.

Thus I have made peace...

Thus the anger becomes my friend...

And thus it will lead me towards self-mastery.

Catharsis

Catharsis could be defined as the transformation of negative emotions into their truly positive counterparts. A quick and easy definition of “truly positive” is that these counterparts are freed from egoism and self-centeredness, to referring everything back to our own pleasure and pains.

For instance, turning anger into a love and understanding of whoever/whatever you are angry at, as Christ suggested (“Love your enemies”). There can also be righteous and unselfish anger, as when Christ overturned the tables of the bankers in the temple and drove them out with a whip, but most of our anger is not really unselfish/righteous/out of moral feelings, but out of narcissistic feelings — this person hurt me, how is this person so evil, etc.

Osho, A well known proponent for catharsis

Anger generally can either be turned into love, or into useful force, as in self-defense or defending an

The Game

This is all a game...That is the lesson I have learned.

You should do anything you can to get ahead of the game, because everyone in some way or another has

Constitution of What is and What is Not

All my life I have battled to understand the truth of what truly is, and what is not delusion. I don't mean this in a really dramatic sense, but more in terms of basic things. Such as morals, what is right or wrong, or what it means to truly be one with your guidelines. Recently I have undergone much deception from a woman I had loved... The events following prior to that is why I had stopped updating this blog for almost a year. I will not

pornography has been ingrained in our brains

Everywhere you look you see porn. Everywhere you look there is subliminal messages. When your eyes open, you see through the cloud. You recognize the figure. You see what you've always seen. It's always been there, you just now see it. What was once the background is now the forefront. Sometimes, one needs a push. Sometimes, one needs a push...h

PUSH PUSH PUSH                                                                                            REBOUND REBOUND REBOUND

There it is. You. See it. NOW.

You  wonder why? It's always been there. No need to wonder. Look there. Look here

March of the Wanderer

The Wanderer sees, the Wanderer wanders. 

Everything his own, and yet nothing his own. 

All by his own hand, and yet nothing by his own hand. 

All by his will, and yet nothing by his will. 

The Wanderer sees, the Wanderer wanders. 

The Wanderer wanders, the Wanderer marches. 

Within the Wanderer lies everything

Yet

 

Affections: (212)

From the dear arises grief.

From the dear arises fear. 

For the one who is wholly free from the dear there exists no grief.

Whence should fear come?