Corrupting Pot

I pranced amongst the shadowflame that was a tumbling ego,

to fortify the composite of a threatened emporium.

One that was laid years before I set foot before your reticent divine;

Nothing remains now but my faith in spiraled serenity.

Once upon a time actualized by another - another greater than I.

Unlike me, apogees amongst the Gods showed them no mercy;

Your once blessed lifeline thus fast tracked unto strident precipice.

No more do words imbue as we continue to corrupt virtue.

Cursed to relearn your lessons until the storm has bled its mist;

these words thread betwixt majesty and madness.

As I realize the futility of my service, knowing I will always fail you..

May my failings yet amuse you;

And give you patience to carry on, until I die a kindred wish. 

spiritual experience in a league of legend game

 So i'm playing an aram game in league and I get Taric. Aram is a game mode where each team has random champions and you fight along one single lane instead of the normal like 3 lane structure of mobas. By luck I get Taric. who is one of the characters I use to main, and who I also have an affinity towards interestingly enough, storywise. anyway I'm thinking whatever you know, just another game. and well the game starts the worst possible way with our team feeding 4 kills to Jinx, who's like a super late game carry. so in essence these 4 kills like skyrocketed her 10 minutes in the future; so in a sense its almost like we lost the game in the first 3 minutes. at that point I don't know whaat happened but like I in a sense like became incredibly calm yet focus. the soundtrack of the game played and wwell, it's almost like I became Taric.

Taric has a certain swagger about him yet beauty and elegance, and in a way perhaps a part of me aspires to that character because in his story he was damned and sent to death, but his best friend vouched for him and he managed to climb mount targon which is like an alternative to execution (most people die trying to climb) and he succeeds and ends up ascending to godhood. this is kinda like mount olympus or mount everest but more spiritual in the sense that no one ever does it and the gods are said to live atop it. in a way he's a redemption story because he was like a loser and a lost cause who had nothing left but ascended from the ashes a new man. as the time is going through our team is getting pummeled but i am stalling the game and the thing with taric is he is such a unique character. He is a tank a healer as well as a duelist which is an incredibly uncommon combination. He also is surprisingly hard to use and rather unorthodox in that his E stun skillshot is a vector that attaches to allies. Think of something like Zenyatta's orbs and when I aim my skillshot it shoots out of both them and my own character. Thus in a sense when you use Taric your teammate must play around your skillshot and they essentially become an extension of yourself. 

Playing this out there was something about the atmosphere of the game... this aspect of taric just somehow touched me deeply this game and i felt a sense of oneness with my teammates. nothing of this sort has happened before. Taric also has an ultimate wwhere there is a set delay and anyone near his aura and the linked teammate becomes invulnerable for about 3 seconds.

As you can see Taric is a character which requires many things. He requires his teammates to understand his mechanics, he requires the player to feel out his teammates, and Taric's teammates must essentially treat Taric as an extension of themselves. 

Yet at the same time he is an incredible duelist. His engage is inconsistent as he has short range, thus he is classified as a warden, a tank which excels in ddisengage (enemies trying to dive you) rather than engage. We are losing every single fight, I respawn, my team is wiped, yet I manage to flash and juke around the backline and take 2 of their carries. I am the only one alive and I emote to my opponents. In a way I am becoming Taric and well, I am climbing the mountain just as he did. This is what I felt, I felt like I was using Taric as a conduit to my own life and I was fighting for my salvation. It's hard for Taric to get in but once he's in, he's in. After getting these kills, i bait the opponents to come fight me more thinking its a free kill. i fat finger my ult but in a twist of fate it ends up working out as my teammates beginning to respawn make use of the resource exchange (my ult for their ult0

The battle continues, and we are slowly coming back. Our team lacks engage as as I mentioned Taric is not a traditional tank. Taric begins to speak his quotes in game as we patiently dance in the neutral: 

"That glimmer of hope you see, that's me."

 "To truly see the stars, I climbed."

 "The mountain reveals the harshest truths in our souls."

 "The stars freed me from myself."

I begin to hear these quotes as the soaring of the ost of bridge of progress plays. Whichever quote it was exactly it does not matter for in that moment, I embodied all of them. it was as if Taric was truly there and was helping guide me to victory. or rather, i was becoming the character in real time. We manage to break their lines, and I assume at this point the game was over. alas we break both of their nexus turrets sand I am smashing the inhibitor as they are respawning. 

And thus I make a fatal mistake. I overcommit anad our whole team gets wiped, it was not enough to end the game, and nexus remained at around 30% hp. I respawn aand they are retaliating nearly twice as hard, and I make another once again fatal mistake. I get baited into a fight while my team is scattered, and I prematurely die right as I respawn. And so the game is over, it seems. I am disappointed yet calm. Like Taric who was initially sent to execution, I was content in my death. i was content to this end. Everyone is saying ggs, the FF votes are going. and I'm ready to walk away from this one.

but... it is not over 

they have no minions, they have no wave. no, the battle; the climb to the top of the mountain. it is not done. we get one last chance. i respawn and at this moment it is clear that I am not the only experiencing this intense experience. both teams begin to suffer and both teams frontlines attempt to bait either of us to make the first move... I am literally in front of their front line but neither of us are making the first move. in a way it is akin to a Mexican standoff whre either side knows that whatever happens next, it is truly over. we dance around even further for a good 3 minutes, and something happens. one of my teammates wastes a fundamental spell, and one of their spellcasters engages on them. I realize that this is it, and I commit. I use my flash wwhich is a 3minute cooldown, a spell which allows you to instanteously blink a short distance. I use it while aiming my E and exactly hit their wincon; their Jinx. It was as if spiritual forces itself ordained it, for my aim was very precise. This scatters their team, as half of the must protect their baby; their strongest teammate, while the other half preoccupy themselves with the battle my other teammate started in the backline. I press my R; Cosmic Radience. And the timing is perfect, as right before my teammates die in the backline the effect comes online and they become invulnerable, allowing themselves to win the skirmish. After walking back to the backline to ensure the skirmish is a success, I stun their carry in the frontline, as amidst all that chaos, she wasn't sure whether to join the fight or retreat, and thus was out of position. 

We wipe their whole team, and it is over. I tell my teammates that it was an amazing game, and as the strings soar as we finish the game, the emotions i feel relating it all to my life allegorically and metaphorically through my subconscious it comes out and well; to be frank, I haven't felt this way after playing a video game before. atleast, not for a long time. after the game I get inspired, I get hopeful, I attempt to process what I just experienced. and so it is; and so here I am|

dude imagine

dude imagine having a femcel girlfriend. at first, you don't get along with her, but you try anyways for a bet. eventually you get strangely comfortable with her rants. everytime you cuddle she whispers how you are trash and worthless, and she would be better off without you. she gaslights you until you forget your own name. you are reduced to a mat for her to step on as she pleases. you dont even enjoy cbt or the degrading stuff she does, but you are intrigued either way. she calls you abusive and accuses you of everything under the sun. you insist that the reason you are even still with her is because you just pity her, but in reality, you know the months of grooming and propaganda has corrupted you, changed you as a person, to agree with her extreme views and just want to be treated like a pig. you like the feeling of being choked to near asphyxiation, being under her, licking the dirt off the stinky unwashed femcel toes and being crushed under her weight. you like how there's no peace, she beats you up when you're sleeping, when you're working, or are in a dangerous situation with not one thought about your safety or health. in from of your own friends and family she degrades you, until all of them cut contact with the both of you. in front of her friends she gets even worse than at home, since she has a reputation to hold up. you know you can't beg since that will just make her stronger, but the thought of that doesn't seem too bad for you at this point.

not that i have experience, of course. don't even get me started on schizophrenic girls.

 

credit to grimly (pwnerofwrlds on discord)

Inveigler

You are but a tool, to be used and discarded

Your heart unchaste, nothing of value imparted.

Thou art not unseen, beastly being of scorn

Menagerie of colorless dye, kept in cantankerous form

Inveigler of self, your eyes now locked out

Puppeteered by tears they speak:

"Quiver thee in fears ye meek!" 

Superego tainted of serpentine pulsated

So awakened thine id to tormentive bliss

Subjects purveyed by your shadowy lips

And Born anew to propagate the curse of Abyss

A bevel to your final days-basis of your grafting

Psychoanalyzed in Athena's acting

Vaccuum of mechanical thoughts to cope of loss

Yearning to be accost in opposition of God's

To be torn by your seeds, cleaved in accretion

Neurosecretes as they fuse in cohesion

Birth of your creation: a God of Deletion

Culmination of obsessive completion

Seeds chanting softly: a Song of Depletion

Concierge of your mind lost to lust

Liberation of eyes once chained

Astral body squirms in awe of annihilation

Planetary justiciars grinding through your limbs

Masqueraded orgasms, punishment of sins

Personas ad-infinitum eloped in mass nova

Eons now passing through what's remained of your yoga

its hard to be truly real

 [7:41 PM]Sorav: its hard to be truly real, I thought I found the real. but turns out I was a fake all a long.... lying to yourself to convince yourself someone or something is something theyre not 

[7:42 PM]Sorav: another thing is truly being open is near impossible too

[7:42 PM]Sorav: even if you believe yourself an open minded person

[7:42 PM]Sorav: we're hardwired to abandon those we deem as foreign 

[7:43 PM]Sorav: making up a fantasy to convince yourself someone is something youre not. finding excuses to destroy somebody from the womb of  the public consciousness 

Ego and Willpower

Here is a very easy, true fact to acknowledge- bowing to the ego is the opposite of willpower. This doesn't mean this ethereal "EGO" that seekers are scared of, it is those moments where you subconsciously think "hungry" so you walk to the fridge without consciously, mindfully deciding to. It's when you hit a roadblock in your studies and 'decide' to distract for a bit. It's when you have a conversation with someone but find your eye wandering to a nearby TV left on.

Ego-death (not in the drug sense at all) is willpower. Taking a step back from this base reactions is the ONLY way to gain willpower. There is not a single thing more or less that you can do than by constantly (gently! without ***SHAME***, or else you just fall into a new trap) withholding from whatever "you" want. This "you" that reaches for junk food, turns on the TV, checks your phone, ignores work, puts off chores, etc, is the one that will forever prevent you from growing.

Power and Godhood

The concept of gods gaining their power from worship is a very modern one. Back in the day gods were, and had power, irrespective of worship.

In fact, from a pagan standpoint you don't even really worship gods. You might revere and honour them, but it was largely a transactional relationship. We give you these offerings, and in return you help us win this battle, or give us a good harvest.

There are in fact instances where after disasters or bad harvests offerings were actually withheld because it was felt that the god didn't hold up their end of the bargain.

There are two ways to gain godhood - or any power, really.

Transcendence of Virtuosos

I've always had the idea that the afterlife was linked to who you were in your previous life. For example if you attained the skills of a legendary musician, I always played with the idea in my head that you could be reborn a God or a personification of music

Because this is what I feel when I would watch music videos of Steve Vai or Oscar Peterson.

I would feel they were almost master meditators. It seemed like they weren't thinking at all while playing, as if they are in deep trance or no thought. Unfortunately this is a level most musicians, even professional ones never reach. I mean PURE virtuosity. Becoming the music itself. Not just playing it.

Chick Corea and The Ultra Zone

Chick Corea has passed on and if he chooses will join the Gods as well as Apollo and her muses. If he so chooses anyway, since he was a scientologist I believe. It's up to him at the end of the day. Romantic Warrior live at the Whistle Test completely changed my life, I used to watch it every day in my college rec room.

May he live on as an Angel of Sound. It's the Sound... The Ultra Zone. Perhaps that is what all musicians want to reach in their life, staying in The Ultra Zone forever...It's so profound, damn... 

Maybe the ones who get it reincarnate as Sound. Rahsaan Roland Kirk said once he wanted to reincarnated as sound, because he would be truly free . "You can't capture a note."

The Seven Ways

The Seven Ways, by Majin Boo Sama

The 'Seven Ways' represent different pathways towards the throne of chaos. They symbolize the seven 'directions' of space and are ruled by a respective lord/energy.

Ascending to the throne of chaos is known by many names across the world, it is at the heart of every mythos, religion, magic order, spiritual system, and anything in-between.

Some of these names include enlightenment, nirvana, gnosis, and anything else you can fit in there. 

The Ego and The Spirit

You should always seek out for your high-ego. Follow what your spirit calls.

The ego, or lower intellect, is an artificial intelligence, an automaton, a computer with personality programmed by genetics and environment. It arises partly from the human brain’s capacity for intellectual functions, and partly from soul’s capacity to be molded by worldly and bodily factors. The ego is the streamlined interface through which soul can operate more efficiently within physical and social environments2.

When spirit, the source of sentience, looks through this mask and identifies with it, the two together create our human sense of self. What we consider “me” is a composite of pure sentience (spirit) and personality (ego).

In summary:

1) Ego is something that arises at the boundary between body and soul due to body conditioning the soul.

2) Spirit wearing the mask of ego provides it with a sense of human identity.

Reality, Dreams, and Self

You have to think, whatever this is, whatever you are, you're most strongly linked to "here". When you branch out, you get insights from out there, somewhere. But, we are ultimately pulled back in. You can't live here and be happy without investing in the HERE, though you get so much from looking out there. 

Reality as we perceive it is all a single resonance state of bosonic subatomic material. The other 'planes' of matter and material are resting upon any other resonate bosonic conditional planes. From the perspective of any bosonic plane, all other nearly identical bosonic fields/particles appear to be lesser bosonic fields/particles. 

The less similar the fields the more the separate fields appear to be fermionic fields/particles in relation to each other.

The mind creates. There's a pattern overlaid on everything. And logic demons. Once you start messing with reality (i.e: breaking logic/physics) the mind seems to counterbalance this with logic demons.

A theory exists that your "true self" (or your "consciousness") is the one with all the real power, but the catch

Goats and Rebellion

The goat. In the public's image of the Satanism, the goat head of Baphomet has been seen almost as the poster child for it's philosophies and principles. That being of bending reality to gain indulgence of physical pleasures. Loving the body, loving sensations. They have always had a history of being compared to evil and rebellion. 

For farmers, sheep were always much easier to work with while goats would always fight back against the farmers orders. Since the character of Satan has always been that of rebellion it would thus make sense to symbolically link his philosophies with that of the goat.

In the bible metaphorical comparisons are also made with believers and sinners being compared to sheep and goat, respectively. This is mentioned in Matthew 25:31-33: “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

Arising of Anger

I can feel the anger arise. Death, violence, killing, pain, suffering upon another... all aspects of my
consciousness which I have once ignored. Thus I realize this. Thus I realize...

I push the weight on the bench, thus pushing my weakness. 

I pull the bar over my lats, thus pulling off my uncertainties.

I stomp upon the treadmill with incredible vigor, visualizing the stomping of past regrets and blossoming a new light filled with strength, and confidence.

I raise my arm in victory, visualizing my future reality.

I sit down thus afterwards, weary from my journey.

My anger continues to boil.

I touch the anger.

It hurts.

I touch it again.

I no longer feel it.

The water has become lukewarm.

Thus I have made peace...

Thus the anger becomes my friend...

And thus it will lead me towards self-mastery.

Catharsis

Catharsis could be defined as the transformation of negative emotions into their truly positive counterparts. A quick and easy definition of “truly positive” is that these counterparts are freed from egoism and self-centeredness, to referring everything back to our own pleasure and pains.

For instance, turning anger into a love and understanding of whoever/whatever you are angry at, as Christ suggested (“Love your enemies”). There can also be righteous and unselfish anger, as when Christ overturned the tables of the bankers in the temple and drove them out with a whip, but most of our anger is not really unselfish/righteous/out of moral feelings, but out of narcissistic feelings — this person hurt me, how is this person so evil, etc.

Osho, A well known proponent for catharsis

Anger generally can either be turned into love, or into useful force, as in self-defense or defending an

The Game

This is all a game...That is the lesson I have learned.

You should do anything you can to get ahead of the game, because everyone in some way or another has

Constitution of What is and What is Not

All my life I have battled to understand the truth of what truly is, and what is not delusion. I don't mean this in a really dramatic sense, but more in terms of basic things. Such as morals, what is right or wrong, or what it means to truly be one with your guidelines. Recently I have undergone much deception from a woman I had loved... The events following prior to that is why I had stopped updating this blog for almost a year. I will not

Lualtirips Etats (75)

One thing is that which leads to worldly gain; quite another the way that leads to Nirvana. Thus comprehending, let the almsman, the disciple of the Buddha, take no delight in respectful greetings, but devote himself to solitude.

Dhammapada (75)

A man's advice to one who is desperate for sensual gain

Great post(s) that I found. I don't agree with all of it, but overall it's solid advice:

You are looking externally for what must be found internally. Why do you want to get rich, "get laid" and "go on unique adventures?" If you follow these questions, and the additional questions following these queries generates, you will eventually resolve your problem. Questioning is the most powerful "magic" ever, particularly self-questioning.

Astral projection from the perspective of a Javanese mystic

Now allow me to explain astral projection from the perspective of an Indonesian mystic, particularly that of Javanese mysticism, as it's the most widespread form of mysticism known here in Indonesia.

There are certain ethnicities and tribes which have their own names, ways, and methods to perform astral projection, but that'd take much longer to explain and would need a separate thread to describe them all..

In Javanese Mysticism, astral projection is called "Illmu Rogo Sukmo." It is a skill which allows one to separate their